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Is this abuse?

Read over and ask yourself the following questions below. If you or someone you know feels to be in an abusive relationship, please contact us for information and support. Our trained staff can help with crisis intervention, safety planning, emotional support and information about your options. 

De Colores' Community Based Program: 623.247.0464 Option #3

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Do you...

  • Worry that your relationship isn’t healthy?

  • Feel afraid of your partner?

  • Feel that you are “walking on eggshells”?

  • Avoid certain topics out of fear of angering your partner?

  • Feel that you can’t do anything right for your partner?

  • Believe that you deserve to be hurt or mistreated?

  • Feel emotionally numb or helpless?

  • Dread going home or seeing your partner?

  • Feel like you are in a relationship with two completely different people?

  • Feel helpless?

  • Get blamed for your partner’s anger or bad mood?

  • Feel that your ability to make choices for what’s best for you and your children has decreased over time?

  • Feel like you can’t spend time with family or friends?

  • Feel that you need to justify everything you do?

Does your partner...

  • Call you names or put you down?

  • Humiliate, criticize or yell at you?

  • Keep you from leaving when you want to leave?

  • Force you to do things sexually you don’t feel comfortable doing?

  • Act excessively jealous or possessive?

  • Control where you go or what you do?

  • Keep you from seeing your friends or family?

  • Limit your access to money, the phone or transportation?

  • Constantly check up on you by incessantly calling or texting you or showing up in places where you are located unannounced?

  • Hurt you or threaten to hurt or kill you?

  • Threaten to take your children away or harm them?

  • Threaten to commit suicide if you leave?

  • Force you to have sex?

  • Threaten to “out” you at work or to family or friends?

  • Blame you for their own insecurities?

  • Show physical aggression towards you or your children?

Sexual and domestic violence can be experienced by anyone, anywhere and at any time in their lives. Countless of lives have been affected by the lasting effects that can be brought on by having experienced sexual and domestic violence. Please click on the arrows bellow to learn more about both sexual and domestic violence. 

Domestic Violence
Sexual Violence

Definition:

According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline (NDVH) domestic violence is defined as a pattern of abusive or coercive behaviors in any intimate or familial relationship that are used to gain and maintain power and control over another intimate partner.

Different Types of Domestic Violence

  • Sexual 

  • Emotional 

  • Verbal

  • Financial 

  • Digital

  • Reproductive Coercion

  • Forced Isolation

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Statistics on Domestic Violence

  • On average, 24 people a minute are affected by intimate partner violence in the US. [i] 

  • More than 12 million people each year have experienced Intimate Partner Violence. [ii]

  • 1 in 4 women and 1 in 7 men (18 and older) in the US have been victim of severe physical violence by an intimate partner. [ii]

  • Two-thirds of females who have been stalked were stalked by a former intimate partner. [iii]

  • Nearly half of all women and men in the US have experienced psychological aggression by an intimate partner in their lifetime [iv] 

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[i] http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/newsroom/pressreleases/2009/BJS10007.htm

[ii] http://www.unicef.org/protection/files/BehindClosedDoors.pdf

[iii] https://www.ncjrs.gov/pdffiles1/nij/grants/213503.pdf

[iv] http://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/cdc_nisvs_overview_insert_final-a.pdf

Definition:

According to the National Sexual Violence Resource Center (NSVRC), sexual violence is defined as any unwanted sexual act committed towards another without their consent.        

Different Types of Sexual Violence

  • Rape

  • Sexual harassment

  • Sexual coercion

  • Being unwillingly exposed to another's body parts

  • Unwillingly made to watch a sexual act. 

  • Molestation

Statistics on Sexual Violence

  • Nearly 1 in 5 women and 1 in 71 men have been raped in their lifetime. [i]

  • Roughly 13% of women and 6% of men have experienced sexual coercion in their lifetime. [ii]

  • 1 in 5 women and 1 in 12 men have experienced contact sexual violence by an intimate partner. [ii]

  • More than 1/3 of women reported unwanted sexual contact (e.g. groping) in their lifetime. [iii]

  • Nearly 1 in 10 women in the US have been raped by an intimate partner in their lifetime. [iv]

​

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[i] https://www.thehotline.org/resources/statistics/

[ii]https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/intimatepartnerviolence/fastfact.html

[iii]https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/2015data-brief508.pdf

[iv] http://www.unicef.org/protection/files/BehindClosedDoors.pdf

Power & Control

Sexual and domestic violence is a pattern of coercive, controlling behavior meant to exert power and dominance over another person. The Power and Control Wheel was created by The Duluth Model as a visual representation of the common behaviors and tactics survivors of sexual and domestic violence reported their partners used in abusive relationships. This tool helps explain the different ways an abusive partner can use power and control to manipulate a relationship. 

Consent

To summarize the video:

  • Consent should happen every time

  • Giving consent for one activity, one time, does not mean giving consent for increased or recurring sexual contact

  • Consent can be withdrawn

Consent is an agreement between participants to engage in sexual activity. Consent is all about communication and should be clearly expressed every time. There are many ways to give consent. Consent doesn't have to be verbal, but verbally agreeing to different sexual activities can help both you and your partner respect each other's boundaries. Giving consent for one activity does not give consent for all activities. It is also important to know that one can withdraw consent at any point if they feel uncomfortable. 

Positive consent can look like this:​

  • Communicating when you change the type or degree of sexual activity with phrases like “Is this OK?”

  • Explicitly agreeing to certain activities, either by saying “yes” or another affirmative statement, like “I’m open to trying.”

  • Using physical cues to let the other person know you’re comfortable taking things to the next level​

Consent does NOT look like this:

  • Refusing to acknowledge “no”

  • Assuming that wearing certain clothes, flirting, or kissing is an invitation for anything more

  • Someone being under the legal age of consent, as defined by the state

  • Someone being incapacitated because of drugs or alcohol

  • Assuming you have permission to engage in a sexual act because you’ve done it in the past

Source: https://www.rainn.org/articles/what-is-consent

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